Upon boarding a train from Rome to Florence, we spied a wonderful, wonderful woman. She was, ahem, a very large lady and was wearing some not-large-enough stretch pants, a blouse decorated with loudly colored cartoon characters, bright red Sally Jesse Raphael-esque eyeglasses and pink and blond-ish hair that was half pulled up into a wild ponytail. She also sported an ample of amount of makeup and was escorted by her multiple pieces of fluorescent pink luggage. Upon my deathbed, I know that it will be one of my life's greatest disappointments that I was not able to get a photo of her.
Despite the fact that the train was completely full, the ride was eerily silent. So much so, that Zach and I, seated across from each other, whispered to talk to one another so as not to disturb our fellow passengers (and you know how hard it is for him to whisper).
The only thing to break up the silence on the crowded train was our heroine and her cell phone. Fortunately for everyone on board, she did not speak softly.
Below is a rough transcript of her conversation (thanks to Maegan and her interpreting skills):
Who is this?
Oh, yes, I saw your profile.
I'm on a train.
I'M ON A TRAIN. I'm going to visit my daughter.
So, what do you do for work?
You work in an office?
Oh, you sound like someone I would like to get to know.
Well, maybe I could meet you, but I need a close-up picture so I can see if you are beautiful.
I know, but the picture on your profile was from far away. I need a close-up one so I can see if you are beautiful.
You should give me your phone number so I can call you.
Hello? What is your phone number?