Very sweet, heavily Southern-accented sales girl in the fabric section of an unnamed big box retailer: Oh my gosh! When’s your baby due?
Me: Next month.
VSHSASGFSUBBR: I thought it was soon. You look so funny with your big ol’ belly pokin’ out from your iddybiddy body.
Me: Uh, thanks.
VSHSASGFSUBBR: My friend just had a baby last week. It was backwards and the doctors had to pull real’ hard on the legs but it finally came out. Legs first.
Me: Wow. That sounds terrible.
VSHSASGFSUBBR: It ended up bein’ fine. When I had my daughter, I broke all the blood vessels in my face because I pushed so hard.
Me: Oh, that’s awful.
VSHSASGFSUBBR: It was OK. But my mama had a real easy labor with me. She just walked out on the front porch and I slipped right out! She didn’t feel nothin’. I just slipped out and fell right on my head.
Me: Wow. That sounds like an easy labor. I hope that happens to me.
VSHSASGFSUBBR: ‘Cept I got a skull fracture. From fallin’ on my head.
Me: Oh, I’m sorry. How scary.
VSHSASGFSUBBR: I was all right, though. But--(* leans across fabric counter, points to forehead *) look: I have a dent. My head never did look right.